Make it go away

So I'm currently in Chicago, as I am for every Christmas now to see my family. And seeing my grandma who has just gone through her first round of chemo. She's tiny. She's frail. She's started to lose her hair. All she wants to do is sleep because those dang drugs make her so tired. But whatever the doctor is concocting with those drugs, it's working. She started with 8900 cancer cells. (the normal for everybody is 35). Her doctor hoped she would at least cut that number in half, so about 4500. She had her tests done, and she's downto 890. 8.9.0. The big man has been hearing my prayers. I couldn't be happier for her.

But it's still hard to watch her go through this. Though she's getting better, I still want to make it all go away.

She took off her hat, and she was afraid that she'd scare my brother and I. My dad said, "I'm bald, does that mean you love me any less than if I had hair?" and she said, "well no." So my dad kissed her on the head and said, "so we love you, hair or no hair."

We try to make it a light hearted subject for her. We all said we should go grab all the wigs and take a picture with her. My family tries to do what we can to make her feel okay. I love that.


Sincerely,
This would happen

How could I ever.

I hear wheat some people go through, and it's like, how could I ever complain about anything, when I've never had to go through anything like that?

This would happen

I really should be more grateful.

So this year's Christmas went better than expected. I didn't really ask for much, but still got things that I like. Mostly clothes. I got to spend time with probably my two favorite cousins, they're hilarious, and they don't even try to be. They're 14 and 10. Man do I love 'em.

I'm really grateful for this Christmas, though it didn't go as we all thought it would. None of us expected to find out my grandma has cancer, and nobody thought my dad wouldn't get his Christmas bonus. Which, usually, pays for just about our whole Christmas.

But although I'm really grateful for everything, I feel as if I'm not grateful enough. Sometimes, I don't realize all that I really do have in my life. I mean, I have parents who love me and want the best for me. They push me and do the best they can to make me happy. Although we aren't super wealthy, they do the best they can with the money we have. I have a roof over my head, a house that my parents spent years working for. I have a brother who would do anything to protect me. I have a best friend who's always there for me. I get an education that most people would never have the opportunity to receive. I think sometimes I take things for granted, and I really need to start recognizng this. Because all of these things, are things I could never be grateful enough for, things I could never thank my parents enough for. I need to be more grateful.

Sincerely,
This would happen

Finally a good night

So tonight, I went to nightstorm with some of my friends from grade school. I've been super stressed out because of finals and family stuff, so it was a great way to forget all about it for a couple hours.

Dancing is probably one of the best ways for me to forget about everything. When a song plays, especially one of my favorite dancing songs, nothing can stop me. I go crazy (in a good way...) and just dance my heart out until my quads can't take it anymore. Which happened various times tonight.

And what made it even better is that I met a cute guy. :) some may call me boy crazy (*cough*aj*cough*), and that may be a true statement, but... When you go to school with people of only the female persuasion, it's nice to meet a cute guy. ;)

Sincerely,
This would happen <3

Not again.

The worst four words you could hear when they're talking about somebody you love, "so and so has cancer." your stomach drops. Your heart races. You feel as if you've gone numb. Your words choke in your mouth, before you even try to say them. Cancer. It's a scary word. Cancer: 1. a malignant and invasive growth or tumor, especially one originating in epithelium, tending to recur after excision and to metastasize to other sites.

My grandma has cancer. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to think. I just want her to be okay. I love her so much, and I'm going to have to see her go through this. I'm going to have to see her with no hair. I'm going to have to hear her talk about chemo. That's something I never wanted to hear anyone in my family ever say. 

She talked about it like it was no big deal. That she would just go through the chemo and hopefully it'll work. I admire her for that, because here I am bawling my eyes out at the thought of her having to go through this. Ovarian cancer. She's already had cancer before, but it was breast cancer. But because she has gone through breast cancer, she was more likely to get ovarian cancer. Why. Why does she have to go though this, twice.

As if it's not hard enough that this year we also found out she has Alzheimer's. But now this too.

I know she'll get through this, I know it's not terminal. But that doesn't change my feelings on this. I seriously love her so much, she understands me like nobody else does in my family. I don't want to see her go through this.

I'm going to pray with all my heart to the big guy that she gets better as soon as she can. I want my Memaw Shirley to be healthy and cancer free. She's a strong woman, and I know she'll get though it will all the support in the world. <3

This would happen